Wounded Scars are a part of her..

Longing for love from those around her, she questioned her own worthiness to the person before her. She sought love in unconventional places of despair. As she aimed to create an ideal life for herself and her son, she failed to grasp the extent of her dependence on someone grappling with their own issues. "I painted him perfect..."

The contrast between her perspective outside her home and the one she has adopted. The confusion in her gaze burdened her, yet she managed to put effort into the relationship despite feeling exhausted. She kept making justifications for his actions and persistently sought ways to alleviate the hurt, failing to see that she was rationalizing and insisting that it was love.

She would shower him with praise at every opportunity and make sure to highlight his role in every achievement, but deep down she was aware that they were both being elevated on a fragile thread that could snap at any moment. She was consumed by doubt, shame, embarrassment, and the guilt of a mother. The reality is that she had portrayed him as flawless...

"I shouldn't have to paint pink skies at sunrise to cover all the blue. Hide the shaking ground and storm clouds. So you never knew..." - Alexandra Kay

In a spirit of honesty and self-acceptance, she made the difficult decision to leave behind the space she had dedicated so much effort to creating in pursuit of the concept of family. In 2022, she turned to psychiatry and therapy following a breakdown. Although she had been grappling with grief and loss for years, it wasn't until 2021 that she began to confront the pain from her past. Despite being physically separated from her loved ones for the first time in years, she managed to fulfill her roles as a Psychotherapist and a mother with apparent ease. While excelling in these areas, she realized that she was merely compartmentalizing her emotions to "cover all the blue."

She put everything into it. She invested all her energy into her inner being. However, when someone jeopardized her inner self, she had to break free from that destructive situation. Before opening up to her extended family, she first had to be truthful with herself, her child, and her close friends. She had to navigate through difficult decisions while staying true to herself. She made the choice to prioritize herself and sought support from others to help her navigate this challenging journey. She is no longer constrained by the fear of judgment.

As a first generation Latina social worker, she had moments of self-doubt and sought resources to gain insights into aspects that were not immediately apparent to her. Recognizing her own humanity, she understood the importance of being at her best to effectively serve the clients and remain dedicated to her profession. This personal growth was not just for herself, but also for the benefit of her colleagues, mentees, and her son. It was essential for her to take a moment to pause, reset, and restart.

Today, she confidently stroll on the sandy desert, eagerly anticipating what lies ahead in her future... she has stopped idealizing him..